The KATE Method. The creative art of goal-setting.

Before my revelation about the KATE Method, I was very good at goal-setting… and very bad at goal-getting! I’d make vision boards, complete 90-day plans, set SMART goals, and yet for years, the gap between the goals I set and the life I was living, was obvious. Then one day I realised something that changed everything. The problem wasn't my motivation. The problem wasn't my discipline. The problem wasn't my willpower. The problem was that I had been asking the wrong question.

How the KATE Method Was Born

Several years ago, I was living in Saudi Arabia teaching English and I had decided that I wanted to set some meaningful goals for the year ahead, so I did what many people do—I went out and bought a stack of goal-setting books. Not that I hadn’t read many before, but I felt like I needed some fresh ideas, something new.

I sat down one evening, opening the first book, eager to learn and discover what I might have missed before. It wasn’t long into the book that I thought, “This is the same as every other goal-setting book I've ever read.” I put it down. I opened the next one and discovered that, again, it was saying the same thing, just in a different way.

Suddenly, I had an idea. I wanted to know what the core principles of goal setting were—the core principles that everyone taught, just in a different way. I could see in my mind what I needed to do.

I went out the next day and bought a large roll of white paper to begin my personal experiment. I stuck the paper all around the walls of my living room and, each evening after work, I covered the walls of my apartment with everything I had ever learned about goals, success, achievement, personal growth, and manifestation from every book I had on my table, on my iPad, and from others I could remember. For a week, I wrote, reflected, and recorded ideas until the walls were completely covered.

Then I started grouping them. Ideas that belonged together were given the same colour. Different themes formed different colours. I walked back and forth across the room, combining and separating concepts until eventually four clear colours and four clear categories emerged.

I wanted a single word to represent each colour (category). I looked at the first and decided they were all about knowing… knowing what it is you want.

The first word was Know. I wrote it in big, bold capital letters.

The second was Action.

The third was Trust.

The fourth was Embrace.

I looked at them and realised that, as an acronym, they spelled K.A.T.E. I hadn't planned it. The four words simply happened to spell KATE, and in that moment, in a small apartment in Saudi Arabia surrounded by paper-covered walls, the KATE Method was born.

K is for Know

The first step in the creative art of goal setting is to know what you truly want. This sounds simple, but it may be the hardest part of the entire process. The classic self-help book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill states that a "burning desire" is the starting point of all personal achievement. We can only have a burning desire for something if we know what we really want.

I believe every single person knows what they want. Beneath the noise. Beneath the expectations. Beneath the opinions of other people. If I sat with you quietly and patiently and asked, "What do you really want?", you would know. You would have that burning desire.

The problem, therefore, is not in knowing—or not knowing—what we want; it is that most of us don't believe we can have what we want. We believe we are not worthy of it, or that we don't deserve it, or that it is impossible for us to achieve it. We begin to doubt our ability to have what we want, so...

We shrink the dream. We lower the standard. We settle for a smaller version, and we start to negotiate again. By the time we finally say what we want out loud, we're often describing a heavily edited version of our original desire. Then we wonder why we feel uninspired, confused, and unsure of which edited version we want to accept.

The truth is that most people aren't disconnected from their dreams because they don't know what they want. They're disconnected because they've stopped allowing themselves to believe they can have that dream.

When we truly allow ourselves to dream big, unfiltered, and with the belief that we deserve and are worthy all that we can dream of, we begin to accept those dreams, write them down, and move on to step two, make them happen. (The title of a wonderful book – Write it down. Make it Happen.)

A is for Action

What I realised whilst studying many different books on goal-setting, is that this is not just talking about any action. It is referring to inspired action.

Many goal-setting systems encourage people to create long lists of action steps and then work relentlessly towards the outcome. There is certainly value in action. However, I've discovered that activity alone does not guarantee results, and often simply leads to exhaustion.

The image I often use whilst teaching this method now, is that of a spider sitting at the centre of its web. The spider doesn't spend all day running around the web searching for food.

It waits. Still. Present. Attentive.

The moment a vibration travels through one of the strands of the web, it knows exactly where to move. No wasted energy. No unnecessary effort. Just precise action at the right time.

We can learn from the spider.

Inspired action is the action that arises from alignment. It's the phone call you suddenly know you need to make. The opportunity you feel compelled to pursue. The conversation that feels right. The step that emerges from clarity rather than pressure.

Not all action is equal. The action that truly moves us forward most often starts from that inner knowing.

T is for Trust

The third step is to trust. Firstly, to trust in yourself. You are more capable of achieving your dreams than you might think. Secondly, trust in something greater than yourself. You may call it God, the Universe, Spirit, your Higher Self, or Life itself. The name matters less than the experience.

One of my favourite teachings comes from Collette Baron-Reid, who suggests writing the words, "This or something better" around the edge of a vision board. I love that idea because the future we can currently imagine is often limited by who we are today, and there may be possibilities beyond anything we can presently see.

Trust means holding the vision while releasing the need to control every detail. It means doing the work, taking the inspired action and remaining committed to the outcome while letting go of exactly how it must unfold.

Many of us unknowingly suffocate our goals by gripping them too tightly. Trust allows space for life to surprise us.

E is for Embrace

This is my favourite part of the process.

Embrace the changes that occur as you move towards your goals because, if you are in one place today and want to be somewhere different tomorrow, something in your life will need to change. Some of those changes will be exciting, others may be uncomfortable. Some may even feel painful.

The challenge is recognising that these changes are not necessarily signs that things are falling apart. Often, they are signs that things are falling into place.

Achieving our goals frequently requires us to become a different version of ourselves. We must grow into the person capable of receiving what we have asked for. The opportunities, relationships, habits, beliefs, and circumstances that once served us may no longer fit. Growth asks us to let go, to evolve, and to embrace change.

How willingly can we embrace the changes that come into our lives?

A Simple KATE Exercise

If you'd like to experience the KATE Method for yourself, try this simple exercise. Take a blank piece of paper and, at the top, write today's date.

With complete honesty, write down where you are right now in each area of your life:

·      Relationships

·      Career

·      Finances

·      Health

·      Personal growth

·      Passions and purpose

Don't judge yourself. Don't analyse. Simply acknowledge what is true.

Now turn the page over and write a date one year from today.

Imagine that extraordinary things have happened over the past twelve months. Imagine that life has unfolded in the best possible way and miracles have taken place. Imagine you are telling your friends and family about all the amazing miracles that have happened in your life.

From that future perspective, describe what your life looks like.

Write freely. Don't censor yourself. Don't worry about how it will happen. Just allow the vision to emerge.

When you've finished, identify the one or two goals that matter most.

Those will become your focus for the year.

The Most Important Letter

If there is one thing I hope you take from the KATE Method, it is the importance of the first letter. The other three matter, but none of them work without K.

Most people are not stuck because they lack action. They are not stuck because they don't believe they can have what they want, they are stuck because they don't believe they are worthy or deserving of what they want. They are stuck because they have never given themselves permission to answer one simple question honestly:

What do I actually want?

I believe every person already knows the answer.

The day you allow yourself to hear it—and honour it—is the day it becomes possible.